6 Tips For Rebuking A Friend

August 17, 2012 — Leave a comment


friends-talking-Proverbs 28:23 says, “He who rebukes a man will find more favor afterward than he who flatters with the tongue.”

Let’s face it.  Rebuking a friend is hard but I want to remind you that it’s biblical. Many people find it easy to lift others up and we should because not only does it make the other person feel good but it makes us feel good also. However, in the end are we as willing to offer rebuke where and when it’s needed? Well, that my friend is not so easy.

Sometimes I think we value our friendships more than our friends. We will let a friend harm themselves (or harm others) because we’re worried about losing our friendship over a confrontation. We are afraid they won’t like us or that they will be mad at us, so we just never say what needs to be said in order to correct those that we love.

I have found many times in my own life that when I said the hard stuff it was not received very well at first, but given time, the person I had to rebuke would always return to acknowledge that I did indeed speak truth into their lives and they were now very thankful for the hard words I had to say to them.

What’s the secret? You have to be okay with not being liked or feeling that you are not liked for awhile if you are going to rebuke someone in love.

I believe someone out there today reading this post has something they need to say to someone else. You have put it off for a long time and deep down you know you must speak up. I would say today is a good day to obey what you know the Lord as told you to do and trust that in the end, you will find more favor for telling the truth.

Here are a few tips that will help you rebuke a friend:

  1. Don’t shame the person
  2. Don’t rebuke them in front of others
  3. Affirm to them that you truly love them and care for them greatly
  4. Speak straight to the issue and don’t rabbit trail them to death
  5. Offer helpful advice they can do to correct the problem
  6. Show them your heart of grace by affirming you are in their corner

SPECIAL NOTE: When you rebuke the wrong way and mess it all up…rebuke yourself and forgive yourself, then do better the next time. Just saying.

Steve Wright

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Lead Pastor of Legacy Church and Author of The Descent to Compassion

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