I’m about to break my foot off in someone’s….

July 25, 2011 — Leave a comment

It has been said that Enmeshment is being psychologically influenced or controlled by, reliant upon, or needing another person to fulfill one’s own needs or to complete oneself. Many people among us (maybe even you), live lost in a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a spouse, a parent, a coworker or even a boss. You can no longer find yourself and even wonder if you ever truly existed at all. You simply navigate a daily map laid out by others and smile while you are doing it….knowing the whole time, the smile is fake. You spend your energy trying to keep your angry from overrunning your shores, but you know deep down that it is only a matter of time until the tsunami reaches land. You think constantly about making a decisions that are all your own, but fear whispers to you that you are not smart enough, good enough, or worthy enough to walk your own path without the approval of another.

I want to remind you that it was God who gave you your identity. You were never created to find your identity or self-worth in another person such as a friend, a parent, spouse or even a esteemed individual. You don’t need any of them to give you a sense of purpose. You have purpose because you were born with purpose. My prayer for you is that you would stop being afraid to find you again.

So how do you do that? You start by setting a goal to become self-full in all the relationships that have you living (dying) in enmeshment. You set the time to sit down with the other person/persons, and tell them you are lost in them and that it must stop. You must set the boundaries in your own life of what you can do, and what you will not do. That my friend is being self-full. Healthy engagement is good with others, but you must resist allowing healthy engagement to give way to unhealthy enmeshment, strangling the very life out of you. Living self-full and differentiated lives are always best. It is only then that people can truly give themselves to each other and become everything that God intended for each of them to be.

Steve Wright

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Lead Pastor of Legacy Church and Author of The Descent to Compassion

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