Yearly Birthday Letter From My Brother (Funny Stuff)

April 29, 2011 — 1 Comment

Each year my brother and I write each other a birthday letter. This is this years letter. Enjoy!

I had this sinking feeling all day… and was moping around all depressed and had no real reason to be depressed… I just was. I wracked my brain, what could be wrong, I asked myself. I mean really, it was a beautiful day, the birds were singing, the air was fresh, the sun was out. Then it dawned on me, it was the eve of your birthday! No wonder, my body in a subtle way was telling me that I should feel bad, feel sympathy for you as you age and continue on your spiral down hill. Steve you know I have always had a sympathetic heart, and my heart just breaks to see you falling so fast into the grips of age and brokenness.

Really? I mean, REALLY? I swear, I have seen a lot of things Steve in my life. I have traveled all over the country, and all over the world… I have seen some crazy, depressing stuff. Stuff that made me cry, even weep, but my good Lord, nothing has prepared me for what I see in you.. the utter spiraling out of control, depressing life you are living. I mean, I remember, at one time (granted, a short time) I looked up to you, but now as I look down on you, i shake my head… Here I will give you an analogy, that might fit…

It is like standing over the toilet… you stare, kinda proud for a moment… then you think, good lord, this stinks… and then you watch it spiral off to oblivian. Steve, this is like your life… being flushed away.. disappearing by the second… relief when it is finally gone…

You know, I look at so many other people, and I think, man, as they age, they look better, distinguished. But Steve, can i just be honest? Really brutally honest? When people see you, they don’t think that, they say, and excuse this… sh*t… he looks sooo bad. What happened to him? They pull me aside and say, Justin, my goodness, is he ok? Is he sick or something? I say, look at him… obviously he isn’t sick, lord, look how fat he is! He is just old and tired, and broken… we just kinda stare and think.. he used to be cool.

You know, it is kinda like those old rockers… they are still singing, still have the half bald headed mullets.. still think they are cool… but everyone knows they are not.. well… that is you, except, at least they have money and fame… brother, you have no money and no fame. Well except for your little twitter buddies.

You know why they like you on twitter don’t you? Because you can only say a sentence or two. You can’t bore them with hours of boring dribble like you do me. I mean, really, poor Amy… she has to listen to it all the time. I have never understood… how she has taken it, until last year, she told me her secret. I was so dumfounded and so proud to be her bro in law. Maybe I am revealing this for the first time… but I was asking her, how do you take it? How do you listen to him for hours on end? How, Amy… and she reaches up to her ear, and pulls out a hearing aid… she said, Justin, without these, I am deaf.. when he starts talking, i just mute these things, and say, in this order… “uh huh”, “yeah”, ” wow babe”, “great idea”, then laugh a little… and just repeat that over and over… and he never knows the difference. Gosh, Steve, I have NEVER had more admiration and adoration for another human being than in that moment! She is a genius!

Did you know, I have your number programmed in my phone under L? For LOSER. When you call, and that is usually to ask for a favor or money, my phone rings and I look down, and I see… “LOSER”. Makes my heart so warm.

I hate this…I hate to be the one to remind you every year that your life just sucks… but man, that is what I am here for… to tell you the truth. Really, no one else will. I am the real deal. I don’t beat around the bush and tell you how wonderful you are… cause frankly, you aren’t! To be brutally honest, you make me kinda sick to my stomach… not really anything you do… just the way you look. Lord, have you looked in the mirror lately? My good Lord! I mean, there is only so much you can do when you are dealt such a bad hand in life. God bless you bro… you need it. I think ultimately that is why you became a Christian… the whole new body in heaven thang… was real appealing to you! Speaking of which, did you know that Amy was legally blind too? She takes her contacts out every night when you get home… just to survive my bro… just to survive. Do you blame her?

Oh, and my goodness! I mean, dude… you need to get a freaking job at the burger joint to get a discount. Well, you prob are on the frequent eater club at most restaurants… I opened your wallet one day, and it looked like a beaver had eat thru about 30 of those frequent eater cards! Geez. I bet you look so funny fumbling thru those cards at your local dives… saying, i know i got it in here somewhere… and they say, Steve, we know… we know… I also saw at the local chinese restaurant that you were on the do not enter list posted on the door… from eating too much at the buffet. Good Lord, when you get banned from a buffet???? That takes talent.

Well, really, I hope that somehow, even in the midst of the hard realization that you are completely falling apart, you can find some hope today. Just think of that little flower, on top of the mountain, after you have hiked to the top.. that somehow springs up in the crack of the rock.. against all odds… oh wait, you can’t relate to that analogy cause you have never hiked to the top of a mountain, you barely make it up the steps at the house… maybe just look it up on your iphone… I am sure there is a cool pic of one… Maybe you can download an app that complements you… just to make you feel better.

Well bro, in all seriousness, you know I love you. 🙂 I have a tremendous amount of love and respect for you and I am so glad that God is doing such great things in your life. I am proud of you, always have been, and count it a privilege to be your brother… your younger and better looking brother… but brother for sure! I love you and hope you have an awesome day!!!



Steve Wright

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Lead Pastor of Legacy Church and Author of The Descent to Compassion

One response to Yearly Birthday Letter From My Brother (Funny Stuff)

  1. I’ve read so many interviews where you just don’t understand why fans would stand in line for hours to get your autograph, scream when you enter a room, cross the country to stalk your sets, etc. For your birthday I’d like to explain why women from 8 to 80 are so obsessed with you. (of course I mean obsessed in a good way)

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